I believe the Lord is drawing my attention to how I am so quick to believe I am entitled to things. True, entitlement is rampant in our culture. But I've been blinded by my sin and haven't seen how I believe the lie that I DESERVE anything other than Hell.
As you may know from my previous post, I've really been blessed by Randy Alcorn's book, The Grace and Truth Paradox, and as I was completing the book this week I could see more and more how I have things categorized all wrongly in terms of my needs and wants.
Two situations really helped me see how stinkin' my thinkin' has been.
1) Joshua, upon finishing his dinner last night, sticks out his bottom lip in protest of me not providing dessert. He then proceeded to question me, "But why!"
This brief situation CLEARLY helped me see how we all have things that we feel / believe we are entitled to. I often foolishly challenge God with my own "But why" questions in different ways. And I wrongly believe I deserve an explanation! (Are you picking up on my self-righteousness and pride problem?!)
For our fam, it seems like having dessert almost every night is producing the fruit we don't want or need! In fact, we see the huge benefit in having it only on special occasions to cultivate a sense of thankfulness as well as the benefits healthwise. I want to be diligent in helping our kiddos see that God provides us with our every NEED and bestows grace upon grace on us. Yet, our GREATEST NEED (saving our souls!) has been accomplished when Jesus died on the cross and rose again. Hello? Can you say Easter?
2) I went to Aldi the other day and got two packs of crescent rolls to try a modified version of THIS. (I know, it's a dessert!) Anyway, since William and I got married on the 17th we try to recognize our marriage each month on the 17th in some small way. My way is often to provide a sweet treat and eat it after the kiddos go to bed! (We've since seen how hypocritical we've been!) But, I digress... I open the can to make the dessert as the butter is already melting in the pot on the stove when a moldy mess comes out of can #1. I proceed to can #2 (since William is wondering if "they have cinnamon on them!"). No! Both bad! Yuck!
A normal person wouldn't flinch at taking them back to the store but me... fear, fear, fear! I've had so many bad experiences with stores and banks and the like that William and I have almost an unwritten rule of he is the one to return things to stores, cash checks, etc. (That's a whole big ole story that involves race and is messy!) But, I needed to do this to say "I trust You, God!" I prayed on the way over to Aldi with my ziplock bag of disgusting crescent rolls, "Lord, Your will be done."
What does this have to do with needs and wants and true entitlements? Well, I WANTED to get my money back. I WANTED the person working to be kind and immediately understand. I WANTED ease. But I certainly didn't deserve that! Regardless of who was in the wrong, I have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God! I deserve to be questioned and challenged and suffer the wrath that God took on my behalf.
If I skipped that key part I wouldn't be as thankful to God as I am that the situation was resolved far better than I could've imagined. If the Lord didn't help me see MY sin I would not be able to give Him the glory that He alone deserves and the grace that I could NEVER earn.
So, I am beginning to really realize I NEED Him more than I need:
~ a privacy fence
~ a painfree pregnancy
~ to be a certain weight
~ gardening skills
~ uninterrupted sleep
~a maid (did I write that!?)
Nope. All of those are just WANTS I've categorized as needs in my entitlement challenge moments. And as we approach Good Friday I am becoming more and more amazed that Jesus died such a violent death for such a lowlife, self-absorbed woman as me. Thank you for Easter, Lord!